Solace
by Darkangel1967
Summary: Shane comes back from the run that saved carls life and B knows he's not telling the truth, she knows that look in his eyes because she sees it every time she looks in the mirror. she knows not to push him yet and that what he needs at this very moment is a way to just let go and just pretend he's not torn apart inside even if it's just for a little while.


I came to the quarry about a week and a half before Rick showed up. In our time there Shane and I where friendly enough, we respected each other and even cracked jokes once an a while but we knew almost nothing about each other and it wasn't something I was in a hurry to rectify. During and after the cdc fiasco we got to know each other better, became...friends. Not like he and Rick but we weren't strangers and we had a certain level of trust with each other. Hell because of the lack of space in the rv he slept in my truck with me.

So when he came back from the FEMA shelter with the supplies the vet and I needed for the surgery (. I was a paramedic before the world went to shit) and told Rick what happened I not only heard it in his voice but I could see in his eyes that his story was bullshit. I've seen the same thing every time I've looked in the mirror since I had to kill the living to survive, the look one gets when they were forced to kill someone and they're being torn apart on the inside.

I got done cleaning things up after the surgery only to come out and hear Maggie tell Shane that he could use the shower and that she would get him some clothes, He thanked her and went up the stairs. I told her that she didn't need to cause his stuff was in my truck. so I went and got him a change of clothes and a wrap for his ankle. Then, I went upstairs and knocked on the bathroom door.

There was no answer so I just walked in and quietly closed the door behind me. I could see his outline though the shower curtain, his arms were out propping him against the wall and his head hung down to let the hot water run over his neck and shoulders. I knew he was off in his own world right now so I put his change of clothes on the counter and took off my own.

I got in the shower behind him and rest my hands on his sides above his hips while my forehead lay against his back, he tensed momentarily but when he realized it was me he relaxed some. I stood there with him for a moment before saying. "Shane you don't have to tell me what really happened out there right now, that's not what I'm here for."

"Then what the hell you here for B?" He whispered roughly, sounding completely broken with a hint of something very akin to anger in his voice. Shane was a strong man and the sight of him now almost made me want to give up hope for us all...almost.

"What ever it is you need right now take it from me and if it's something I can't give you tell me what it is so I can go get it." I sighed. " I know from experience it won't fix anything but you need a distraction."  
Shane reached back and pulled me around him so I was between him and the wall, my back pressed flat against it as he stared down at me. Then he crashed his lips onto mine, bruising and hungry and hot without any hint of gentleness or love. One of his hands came up to wrap around my throat pressing me harder to the wall while the other came up to roughly knead a breast a bit to hard and I could taste blood in my mouth. But I wouldn't stop him and I wouldn't complain because I told him to take what he needed, this wasn't about what I wanted, not tonight and maybe never.

Shane pulled his mouth away from mine and his hands dropped down to my hips to slide me roughly up the wall so I could wrap my legs around my waist. His grip on my hips was bruising and painful and I knew that there would be black handprints on my skin but I couldn't care less. Without and preamble he thrust himself into me with a hard snap of his hips and he cursed lowly "B your so fuckin tight!" He started to pound into me even harder while he buried his face in my neck, licking and biting and sucking hickies onto my neck that would take at least a week to go away.

He kissed me again and I wrapped my arms around him, gripping at his shoulders both to hold on and in a sad attempt to get away from the tiles that were digging and cutting my back every time he slammed himself into me. Small painful moans escaped my lips despite wanting to make him think I was enjoying it as much as he was but I couldn't keep them in anymore. But it didn't matter because Shane either didn't hear them or he didn't care because he pulled me away from that wall and slammed me into the other so we were kinda out of the spray of the shower head. He slammed into me three more times before he sank his teeth into my shoulder to silence his yell as he came, I screamed out silently as I gripped at his shoulders and his hair.

He collapsed against me and neither of us moved for a couple moments, our breathing was heavy and we were both hot despite the fact that the shower ran cold. Then Shane pulled away form me after his head cleared and he realized what he just did. He looked at me standing there on shaky legs sporting bruises and a set teeth marks that would leave a scar, he couldn't see the bruises and bleeding cuts on my back but he knew he hurt me.

" I didn't mean to hurt you B." He said with emotions I can't really put a name to clouding his face, but his voice was almost trembling and I could hear how disgusted he was with himself.

" you didn't hurt me, I might not walk right for a few days but you didn't hurt me Shane." I said trying to make him see it my way.

There was disbelief written all over his face as he said " Your bloody and bruised B, you don't call that hurting you?"

" No I don't Shane. I've been beatin to a pulp and raped more times than I care to remember, that's what I call hurting me. I'll admit this isn't how I wanted us to be together but if I wanted you to stop I'd a stopped you. I gave you what you needed and that's what matters right now." I sighed at the shocked look on his face and I knew we had a long road ahead of us and that we would have to stick together, I couldn't let him go off on his own.


End file.
